Decision to become parents

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Decision to become parents weights very heavy in your future child life.

Before having a child consider this:
Your child life will be affected by the his environment in the firsts 7 years of life:95% of what we are doing is programmed in our subconscious and this subconscious is formed in our first years of life. This is way we are so committed to our childhood for our entire lifetime. Only 5% of our life is used consciously by us in creative ways. Only 5% of our life we have control over it. All the rest is programmed in our minds.
Your child will become self consciously only after the age of 2 (2.5) which means that he /she will understand his one existence. It is very important that up to the age of 2.5-3 years old, your child to do not be shaken or punished in any way because he / she has not the capacity to react to this.
Your child empathy and non-verbal communication skills are very advanced up to the age of 2.5-3 years old. In time those skills will regress. This being said, your child ability to feel your moods is very accurate and will be affected by you. You and your family should be a place where drama is staying out for the seek of your child. Provide a nurturing home for your child.

Conclusion: your present life when you are deciding to have a child, will affect him / her for the rest of his / her life. So, if you want a good life for your child, you need to conceive your child in the best moment of your life:
- your family must be a happy family: the child will learn the happiness as life strategy
- financial health. Financial worries and insecurities will unfold into your child eyes and his subconscious will pick up all this details. You will set his mind for the life with shortages in opposition to how to be a winner and make money for his family. Studies shows that children born in poor families are likely to become poor and children born in healthy families are likely to have the set of mind of being successful and stay healthy financial.
- keep your child as much as possible around you. At adulthood the person with Emotional deprivation issues feels that the others don’t offer the nurturing, empathy and protection he needs. All small kids have the need to be around their mother. The absence of their mother make them anxious.
- socialize your child with others as much as possible. Social isolation and alienation is a pathology with its roots in childhood when the child is not integrated in society.
- encourages your child in his environment explorations. A child which is too disciplined will end up with Dependence and incompetence or Defectiveness and shame issues.
- engage your child in extra-curriculum activities to develop his abilities. Check with professional which are the strong point of your child and try to focus on these. Your child will have the most success and productivity in activities based on her / his strong points (talents and abilities).
- do not exaggerate in health care of your child. Vulnerability to harm or illness is a pathology developed on exaggerations in health care in childhood when its subconscious was programed.
- do not punish exaggerate your child.
- teach your child on early age (around 10 years old) to express his preferred activities to do and define life values (see Happiness and rational thinking).
- communicate with your child and encourage him / her to express his / her feelings to grow his / her emotional intelligence.
- build your child education based on his / her qualities and strong skills. Try do not criticize your child.

Negative effects at adulthood based on childhood negative experiences:
- Emotional deprivation is a pathology with its roots in childhood when the child feels neglected.
- Abandonment and instability with roots in childhood when the child feels that everybody around abandon him. The adult person with Abandonment and instability is characterized by the feeling that the close ones will not be able to emotionally support us, or to protect us and they will abandon us in favor of someone better.
- Mistrust and abuse. The adult with Mistrust and abuse issue is believing that in the end, the others will intentionally hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage on us.
- Social isolation and alienation. The adult have the sense that someone is different from others and is not part of any group.
- Defectiveness and shame. The adult is feeling that one is bad, unwanted, inferior, in important respects; or that one would be unlovable to significant others.
- Failure is the belief that one has failed and will inevitably fail in areas of achievement, so he is stupid, lower in status, or less successful than others.
- Dependence and incompetence is the belief that the adult with this problem needs considerable help from others to handle one’s everyday responsibilities in a competent manner.
- Vulnerability to harm or illness is the exaggerated fear that imminent illnesses, emotional or external catastrophe will strike at any time and that one will be unable to prevent it.
- Enmeshment and undeveloped self is an excessive emotional involvement and closeness with one or more significant others (often parents), at the expense of independence and normal social development.
- Subjugation issues represents the suppression of preferences, decisions, desires and suppression of emotional expression, especially anger usually to avoid the abandonment for the adult with this issue.
- Self-sacrifice is the excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations, at the expense of one’s own gratification.
- Emotional inhibition is inhibition of anger, inhibition of positive impulses, difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one’s feelings, needs and excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions.
- Unrelenting standards / hyper-criticality: - the belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized standards, usually to avoid criticism. Its forms are the perfectionism, the excessive attention to details, the rigid rules and the “should”.
- Entitlement / grandiosity (ET) - the belief that one is superior to other people, that claim the right to do or have whatever want, regardless of what is realistic, or the cost to others, all this in order to get control and power.
- Insufficient self-control / self-discipline - the difficulty to practice self-control and discipline to achieve one’s personal goals, or to restrain the excessive expression of one’s emotions and impulses, the excessive desire to maintain the comfort and to avoid unpleasant situations.
- Approval-seeking / recognition-seeking - excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, attention from other people, the one’s sense of esteem is dependent on the reactions of others.
- Negativity / pessimism (NP) - an excessive focus on the negative aspects of life and minimizing or neglecting the positive aspects.
- Punitiveness (PU) – the belief that people should be punished for making mistakes.