Isolated persons are prone to mental illness.
What is love?Love is the feeling that your partner completes your life as a family. Man and woman fall in love because they are two parts of one whole (from society perspective). Man is aggressive and protective, woman is nurturing and demure. So, they complete each other. (NB: each person (woman or man) is complete by him/her self and nobody will interfere with that person inner value. Each person is unique and valuable throughout our humanity).
Love for woman is different from the love for man. For woman perspective the love is beautiful and complete: everything about her lover is perfect and beautiful and a flow of emotional feelings are exploding. Her love will lead her to having sex. For man, love is frustration. He is driven by sexual desires. He love the sexual parts of woman body: the legs, the breasts, the bottom... As for woman love represents empathy (she is there for her man needs: from carrying for her man to showing him affection and consideration), for man love is action (he dominate his woman, protect her and spread his sperm). This is way after sex, woman is loving and in need for caresses, while man is willing to rest and restore his energy to be ready for next action.
However, when a man love the face of his partner, he loves his mother memory.
Is love about looks? You may say so. If a good looking person is appealing to you is because that person look represents the guarantee that he / she is a healthy person with a good chance to produce offspring. Those are the persons with sex appeal and are generally accepted as good looking.
In same category with looks can be included hormonal chemistry between sexual partners. Through hormones are transmitted messages of being sexual potent and available for the person in front of you.
But beauty can incorporate other body characteristic, beside the classical ones. For example that person reminds you about a parental figure, a figure that produce you the familiarity feelings, closeness and offers you comfort and protection. The subject is detailed in the section "How we choose our partner?".
Looks and sexual attraction are not everything in a relationship. Sexual attraction can vanish in time (it is a novelty driven instinct), love is something which should grow in time and consolidate your family through attachment ( it is comfort, security, provides you a pleasant life and happiness). So, another manifestation of love is mental affinity. If the couple has same set of values in life and likes same activities, they can build a future together. (see Happiness and rational thinking - Pleasant life and Life with meaning).
Admiration is another component of love. When we admire a person, we cherish his / her companionship.
And finally, we are talking about emotional affinity. Feelings are the cause of falling in love.
In our society it is generally accepted that if you love someone, you commit to monogamist relationship with that one. And if you have an affair, it means that you are not in love with your partner anymore. Monogamy is simply an agreement: Woman trades sexual fidelity to man in exchange for protection and his commitment to provide for her and her offspring. Monogamy is a society rule and represents the insurance that the man will spend his life beside his woman and his biological children, he will not provide for other men's children, exception if he adopt existing woman's children. Exceptions are only to enforce the rule.
How to look for him / her when choosing the right person?First of all, you need to be open for a new relationship. No matter how were your past experiences, everyone can have a good life with the one. You have to be optimist: to want to find the right person, to believe that does exist a soulmate for you and that you can find it.
Mental set is always a must: to experience love, you need to believe in it. Self-esteem is also important: believe that you are worth loving and that you are able to find the right person to love and be loved.
With positive attitude, start a new relationship with sincerity and communication (lack of communication is one of the causes which make a relationship to fail) and give what you want to receive from this relationship (behave with your loved one the way you want her / him to behave with you, be open to your feeling in your relationship).
Learning how to menage your life in two, is not the easiest thing to do: you will see and you will be expose in all kinds of situations pleasant or less pleasant. You need to develop your acceptance: The degree of cleanliness accepted in the couple must be that of the cleanest of them. The degree of humility accepted in the couple must be taken into account by the humblest of them. If these limits are exceeded, frustrations and tensions will be created in the couple and can even lead to the breakup of the couple.
Spend as much time together as possible. Engage both of them in daily activities.
Spend time together doing what you both like to do (hobbies).
Try new activities which appeal to one of you, the other may love it.
Look for similar hobbies and wishes in your life. These will make your life together easy to menage (see Happiness and rational thinking - Pleasant life).
Choose a partner with similar background: social, cultural and economic. If you share similar values, your love will be able to last (see Happiness and rational thinking - Life with meaning).
Choose a partner with similar sexual expectation. Sex is part of your couple life and can create frustration in time (sex as bounding not only procreation). If you wish children, make sure that your partner feels the same way.
Choose the partner who can provide you the life you dream of. If you, as woman, wish a luxuriant life, you should choose a partner financial potent. If you, as men, wish to have home made meals, you should choose a partner with cooking abilities. If you are a party person, you should make sure your partner likes to party as well. And so on...
Choose a partner to be proud of. Admiration is a big thing in relationship. Choose a partner with defects which are not capital for you. It may not be altogether only qualities, but at least you to be able to accept the defects and learn to diminish them into your eyes. Learn to love your partner with good and bad.
It is said that woman is making the decision of getting together into a relationship. Naturally, she will choose a partner financial potent (but not only) to ensure her material well-being for her and her eventual children.
Harmful behaviors in the couple's relationship
Adoration is a behavior which creates rejection because of sick reactions such as abandonment issues.Psychic anaphrodisiacs (sexual inhibitors):
For men: Thinking of their mother (the most asexual presence in the life of a sexually mature man). Keep away from relationship with a woman which resembles your mother face.
Another powerful psychic anaphrodisiac for men is the presence of another man from the life of his partner (talking about too many details in regards with the performances of the other man in the past of his partner). As woman: keep for yourself the details of your past relationships.
For woman: all the unsafely situations, especially those regarding the future of the relationship will act as psychic anaphrodisiac.
A little routine helps us build a good, strong relationship; but take it too far and it destroys and “kills love.” Finding the balance is up to you.
Confusing behaviors in the couple's relationship
Invariable erotic behavior is manifested through contradictions between verbal and non-verbal language: he/she likes it, then he/she doesn't like it anymore.
Young people may manifest indifference to the person attracted due to the instinct of egos specific to children combined with irresistible attraction to a possible partner.
Beneficial behaviors in the couple's relationship
Jealousy feeling for men is good to cancel the effects of selfishness.
The woman appreciates the compliments related to her beauty, while the man appreciates the compliments related to his deeds.The place of intimacy between two partners is very important for the woman (she remembers):
- it must be clean and have a bathroom,
- it must provide safety
- and the ambience matters a lot.
To be good in bed means:
- movements that produce a complex of multisensory perceptions (smell (pheromones), skin color, clothes),
- and curiosity, spontaneity, the desire to get to know your partner.
If you feel good, you can help your partner to feel good as well. It is a circle. As a woman, you should tell to your partner that he is good in bed.
The expectation theory: Before an event, people are making a "projection" of what will happen. Going on a date, the woman expects something romantic, and the man expects to have sex. It is a conflict situation between the two partners: on the one hand, there is a conflict between her and his expectations, on the other hand, there is a conflict between everyone's expectations and what will happen for real. This conflict situation leads to disappointment.
Men make exaggerated promises to get what they want (the theory of expectations). As men, if you want a harmonious relationship, promise only what will be fulfilled and thus you will enchant the chosen one of your heart.
How we choose our partner?We have our subconscious formed in our firsts years. In this way, our life is programed in proportion of 95% before we start dating. It is written in our subconscious through our experience at the moment of our childhood.
How we like someone based on our subconscious? We choose to like someone who is familiar to us, maybe someone who reminds us of a parental figure. The person who show us love, who cared for us. That person can be good or bad for us as per the childhood's experiences. So, the life trap is that we might end up in a toxic relationship because of the experiences written in our subconscious. Somebody from our family may caused us traumas which we learn to live with and we are choosing the person who cause us similar traumas in present. This kind of life we know to deal with, it is familiar to us, the lack of trauma is the unknown.
The unknown (good or bad) is what we reject. The familiar, good or bad, we accept because we have a previsions experience, we know how to face it.
When I know I am in a toxic relationship and I need to separate?Toxic relationship is the one which it creates great and recurrent discomfort to one of the partners in relationship:
- physical or mental or emotional abuse (include traumatic jealousy)
- not having and maintaining same propose in life (include the decision to have children) (see Happiness and rational thinking - Life with meaning).
- promiscuous behavior of one or both partners (adultery)
The first thing in finding a solution for a toxic relationship is to realize that you have a problem and to take decision about it. You may need professional help.
Marriage:Marriage is the promise and commitment to have a monogamist relationship for the rest of your life. Not all marriages are "for ever", but this "for ever" is the initial intention.
Marriage is usually more appealing to women than to men, because women are driven to have a family (to get the protection and the care from a man) and to have children. The necessity of given birth is in her genes. Almost every woman carries in her mind the idea to became mother in a certain point of her life. Little girls are playing the motherhood role with their dolls and this role will became a directive of her subconscious. The reproductive instinct is very strong and the man should take it into account when propose a woman to marry him.
When men initiate the marriage is often more about commodity of sex than the reproductive instinct. This does not mean that men never want children in their life, but they will delay the moment of being responsible for their kids and to have all the wives attention for themselves. For men, having kids is not always the propose of the marriage.
So, what about having children? There are situations when partners have two different propose of their marriage. One to have children and the other to get sexual commodity. When this is the case, the couple has a big problem. The true way to solve this problem is the divorce: if a child was born during the marriage, mother take the child custody while the father is contributing financial to his child care. If there is no child involved, the woman have to find the right man to start a family with, family which includes children.
It is another situation when marriage occurs: two people which wish to avoid loneliness, to double the fun and happiness in their lives or to find help in each other in difficult moments of life. Usually, it is the case of the late marriage.