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Finding one and true love is everyone’s dream to have a fulfill and happy life.
On the other hand, monogamy is hard on humans. Many are getting married, but a big part of them end up divorced.
Finding the soulmate or falling in love is linked to monogamy in our society. But, love is a feeling, while monogamy is a rule. At same point of time, in most of human societies, love between two people is expected to be putted into a monogamy contract between them. In many countries, breaking up the monogamy it is a crime. Adultery is illegal in most regions.
If you love someone you commit to a monogamist relationship. If you have an affair, it means that you are not in love with your partner.

Way monogamy is so hard for humans?

There are some tribes are polygamist: women have sexual freedom, so the children will be taken care of by the nearest adult around them, not only by biological parents. There is a commonality to parenthood. This helps children grow up to adulthood because is a much better chance of their surviving in the event that one or both parents are died.

In animal world there is not such a thing like true monogamy.

Humans are Apes and the most close relative are the chimpanzees. The close comparison between humans and chimps exist in bones and muscle structure. Than, the capability of responding to stimulating and solving problems.
Clearly, chimps have sex to say hello or good bye, they have sex to release stress and to bond. For them make sens for their species survival: Multiple males sperm compete to fertilize the female egg. There are some aspects of chimps anatomy that seems to be adapted to promiscuity.
Biologically similarities between humans and chimps (pro- polygamy):
- Body mass dimorphism
- Primate testicle sizes
- Size and shape of the penis. The form of the man penis is design to suck and pull out the sperm which is already into woman's reproductive track to give advantage to the sperm of the current man.
- Female copulatory vocalization. This is commune in a primates that engage in sperm competition.
- Position of facing each other during the intercourse: Primates are having sex just to bond, to communicate not only to reproduce themself.

Conclusion: Monogamy is a recent invention.

Who made the monogamy rule and why?

The generally accepted narrative is that men want to be free sexually and they are looking to spread their seeds around while women are very exclusive and they choose the provider because they are very vulnerable and the children needs someone to take care of them. Woman trades sexual fidelity to man in exchange for goods and services.
If a child comes from a woman body is no question that she is genetically related with that child. The man has to take the woman’s word for it. Men are inclined to seek multiple sexual partners. Biology is explaining everything: men produce sperm cells all the time, while women produce only one egg cell each month.

Human beings used to live in egalitarian hunting gathering. They been sharing everything. When humans stop hunting gathering and learn how to farm, appears the overpowering concern with property rights and monogamy begin to be a necessity for man's procreation. As Greeks put it: you do not wont a foreign seed introduced into your soil.

Thousands of years, marriage was the way to: increase family labor force, peace treaties, business alliances etc.
Marriage was not too much to do with the people in love, but to get in-lows. Now days, seems that in-lows are a threat for the married couple.
For example: Antony and Cleopatra marriage was not a love story at all. It was an alliance to unify their empires.

To marry for love start only few hundreds years ago. At first the idea to be married based on love, it scared people. A new idea took hold: Man and woman fall in love because they are two parts of one whole. Man is aggressive and protective, woman is nurturing and demure. So, they complete each other.

Jealousy: sexual jealousy is very common in human society for both: woman and man.

Non-monogamous relationship

Today we are living in a new evolved society which does not accept to co-worship anymore: co-worship of woman by the economic and legal dependency, co-worship of woman's body, co-worship of man by the economics structures.

Monogamy is not natural.


NETFLIX, Explained series, Monogamy episode